So now you know. I’m a perfectionist. There, I said it!
Heather Costaras, aka: Hat is a frothing-at-the-mouth, struggle-to-relinquish-control, all-or-nothing perfectionist.
For those of you familiar with the path-of-perfectionism – you’ll understand that perfectionism doesn’t necessarily mean “neat”, “together” or “organised”. It simply means that we perfectionists have these… areas… of our life which are like… no-go-zones for anyone else. Areas where we are super-controlling to the point of being obsessive. Areas where we believe that we (and only WE) are able to do things the “right” way.
For me, that area is: My Art (encompassing everything from my blogs, illustrations, Hat book, Hat Creative Workshops, scriptwriting and all number of various creative endeavours). When it comes to all of that stuff, it’s like I’ve built a mile-high wall around myself. I want things done “right” (or not at all). I want the script to be “perfect” (or they mustn’t put my name on it). I want my book launch to be ridiculously-awesome’ness-wonderful-experience-like-no-other-where-everyone-who-attends-will-marvel (or no launch at all). I want to be ready to offer the most wonderful creative workshops (or none at all). I want to put together THE most exciting Secret Boxes (or none at all). If I’m going to put a video on my website – it needs to be utterly amazing… (or there will be no video at all!)… and on and on it goes… a never-ending cycle of:
…shooting myself squarely in the foot.
Because guess what all this all-or-nothing perfectionism is accomplishing?
It’s causing me to get a whole lot of NOTHING done… because everything is either;
- not ready yet
- not finished yet
- not perfect enough
- not good enough
- not right enough
Here’s how this all plays out (using my official Book Launch as an example):
- I want to host the launch at the Hat Hub (our home & studio) – but it’s not finished yet… we still need to do painting, dry-walling and all kinds of stuff for the Hub to be “right” enough and “ready” enough for the launch…
- I want my launch attendees to feast on all kinds of perfect yummy wonderfulness… but – I don’t have enough money to afford that degree of catering – so – then NO launch at all.
- I want the launch to be an experience (not just dull speeches with stale sarmies on the side)… but the experience I have cooked up in my head requires 1) money… 2) people… 3) extra musicians… and – since I’m currently not in the position to afford all this wonderfulness? No launch – at all!
- I want the best, most unique invitations… or no launch.
- I want the entire Hub to be decorated amazingly… or no launch.
- I want a fantastic photographer… or no launch.
- I want everyone to take home the best-most-amazing goodie bags… or no launch.
See what I’m saying?
See how this all-or-nothing perfectionism-thing is sooooo damaging and UN-helpful?
It’s like somebody refusing to run a race – unless they’re certain that they’ll win and receive first-prize. Surely – the value is in the journey and the doing… more than the “winning”?
SO – this blog post – suffice to say – is my first baby step in the right direction. (As a side note, you guys would be amazed at how many endless unfinished blog posts there are in my “drafts” folder – because none of them were “good enough”. And also – how much late-night ruminating occurs when I publish posts that haven’t measured up to my stupidly unattainable all-or-nothing standards).
So – in the interests of baby steps – in the RIGHT direction:
I am not going to fuss and faff about this post.
I’m just going to hit “publish”. And then I’m going to prepare a late-March Book Launch at my half-finished Hat Hub – using what I can… the resources I already have at my disposal. And I will make it the best possible experience for those who attend.
It might not be “perfect”… but it will be perfectly fine, fun and fabulous. And doing SOMETHING is always better than doing NOTHING.
PS: Will keep you guys updated on Instagram, Facebook and my newsletter thingy.
Loads of love to you all!
Hx
I LOVE the sound of the “Hat Hub”. Sounds like a place where you and your visitors can be free, happy, artistic and messy 🙂
Have fun xx
That’s the plan, Rach. It’s part house, part studio – and part Hub for creative collaboration, messy workshops, songs & stories evenings and what-not. Now – I just have to let loose and let people IN without thinking: “But it’s not READY yet. It’s not FINISHED yet. It’s not PERFECT yet!”… (ugh!!!)….x
You are not alone!! I’ve struggled with this all or nothing thinking for many many years. It is best demonstrated by the following: several doctors have been breathing down my neck to loose weight. But because I do not have the *perfect* eating plan, I do not start, nor do I loose weight…
I ‘solve’ this by:
1. Go to coffee shop and have espresso and cake 😛
2. Go to another doctor! 🙂
3. Read another diet book (gag)
So true: “It might not be “perfect”… but it will be perfectly fine, fun and fabulous. And doing SOMETHING is always better than doing NOTHING.”
Thank you for the post!
Oh – Anita, Anita… I am soooooooooo familiar with that mentality. I can’t count how many years I was on that awful all-or-nothing diet mentality. Either it was going to be the “perfect” diet — and I would not, ever-ever-ever again *cheat*… and I would eat PERFECT-legal-diet-food-FOREVER!!! Or – it would be “nothing”. Eat anything and everything. No limits. Nothing at all. THANKFULLY (with huge relief) – I can say that for the past couple years or so, I have managed to… um… *manage* my perfectionism in the diet-department – and now I eat with an everything-in-moderation mindset. Of course, that’s not to say the all-or-nothing mentality has left… I struggle with it all the time! With the art/work stuff… and sometimes, especially when I’m stressed or run-down… the all-or-nothing “diet” mentality comes to haunt me occasionally… It’s all JOURNEY, isn’t it? I don’t think any of us have it perfectly solved… perfectly figured out. It’s about baby steps… stumbling, falling, picking ourselves up… and trying again. 🙂 X
There is actually a name for this: Analysis paralysis! Wiki: A person might be seeking the optimal or “perfect” solution upfront, and fear making any decision which could lead to erroneous results, while on the way to a better solution. 🙂
Oh jeez… yes! Analysis-Paralysis! I know what that looks like – for sure!!! Now to figure out how to wrestle with this thing so it doesn’t keep shooting me in the foot!!
Oh my word, can I relate!!! This is part of what kept my creativity in prison all those years. I used to have trouble even getting an idea fully developed, let alone completing the project, all because the end result had to be “perfect”. And I was pretty certain I didn’t have what it takes to make it perfect.
A few months ago I read a blog post about perfectionism destroying creativity and it said (actual quote here), “Good enough is better than incomplete”. I still twitch at this quote. Good enough??? Heck no! Anything but good enough! That’s settling! I don’t settle! NO-O-O-O-O!!! When the twitching settled down, I realized it was actually pretty wise advice, as long as I don’t allow myself to consciously think the words “good enough”! I’m successfully following this advice on my new project, and it’s so freeing. I’m pretty amazed.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m still a perfectionist. I could slip back into crying over “good enough” and go back to being paralyzed at any moment. Maybe we should start a 12 Step program for perfectionists. “Hello, my name is Dorean, and I’m a perfectionist. It has been 23 days since I last perfectioned…”
That made me giggle out loud, Dorean! Hehehe! YES! “Hello, my name is Hat and I’m a perfectionist. It has been 2.5 days since I last perfectioned….” Soooooooo true!!! And YES… how many times have I said to myself: “This is settling!” – “This is compromise!!!”… when – the truth is: SOMETHING is better than NOTHING! And besides, what is “perfect” anyway??? What does that even MEAN?? Glad to know I’m not alone…. and that you *get* this! x
Ha! I could have written this post. It’s so hard to let others get their hands on your creative babies isn’t it? I actually wrote a book about this exact topic. Here’s a link if you’d like to check it out…… http://amzn.to/210xX07
I really had to laugh when I took a whole week to get the book cover approved after making minute changes three or four times. Totally hilarious and put my perfectionism into perspective once again. Still loving your book by the way…it’s the only one I’ve ever lent to friends and made sure to get back!
I must say – I’ve been having a quiet little giggle to myself too – over the past couple of days. Seems like LOTS of us are struggling with this whole perfectionism thing! I don’t think there are many die-hard’s who have the perfection-element in ALL areas of their lives… but most of us have this chosen little no-go-zones where our perfectionism, all-or-nothing mentality rules the day! (Glad you still dig the book…X)
I think you are (OCD) Obsessive Compulsive!!…but its never too late to begin to be (LTP) Less Than Perfect!)…so go for it!!
Coming from the horses mouth, Mother!!! I got my perfectionism-control-freak elements from YOU!! Oh-she-of-Fisherman’s-Village-fame… who runs the place *exactly* according to her specifications… who won’t even serve salads that other people have prepared (because it’s not done the way *she* likes it)… who has to have The Shed decorated *exactly* the way SHE wants it… um – need I go on, Mother-Dear… need I go on??? (*chuckling gleefully at the irony of the mother’s comment*)….
From one perfectionist to another. How can I contribute? Bake something maybe?
Thank-you! Yes… or bring a bottle of wine. 🙂 X