I gave up New Year’s Resolutions a couple new years’ ago (this is probably my 5th or 6th year without a New Year’s Resolution).
I had – for many years – one, unchanging New Year’s Resolution;
“LOSE WEIGHT!!!”
There was a time in my life a couple of years ago when “losing weight” was the one thing that I continually obsessed about – year after year after year. I obsessed about food, I obsessed about diets, I obsessed about the number on my scale, I obsessed about the size of my body.
That obsession leaked – like noxious poison – into every area of my life. It infected me like a disease. It affected the way I saw myself, the way I parented, the way I dressed (the main goal was to hide)… it affected my self-confidence… it placed itself at the forefront of every dream or desire.
“Lose weight” became my primary goal – as though my worth – as a person – was based only on my external appearance. In my mind, the equation was simple:
FAT = bad, loser, weak, pathetic, stupid, incompetent, worthless, undisciplined, unkempt, unlovable, failure.
THIN = good, winner, strong, determined, in-control, diligent, worthy, disciplined, respectable, valuable, lovable.
So… for as long as I was “fat”, I believed I was worthless and wanting.
And only when I became “thin” (which in my mind meant 58 kilograms and not a gram more)… THEN… and ONLY THEN… could I be considered good… strong… lovable… valuable.
My god, I was such a twisted mess. I cringe… I wince… recalling my dark obsession back then.
Of course – I am now older, wiser and no longer obsessed with diets, food and scales (last scale I owned was deliberately smashed to smithereens a couple of years ago)… and – as an older and wiser person, I now UNDERSTAND a few things – that I wish my younger-self could have grasped and embraced.

This is 13-year-old-me (in the brown). I was miserable because my mother had confiscated my “fat-hiding” sarong. I spent that holiday self-conscious and hiding – refusing to swim in the company of others… already – utterly OBSESSED with diets & weight. Of course, it only spiralled downhill from there. The more I obsessed about weight and fatness, the shittier I felt about myself and the more I found comfort in chocolate fudge and cheese toasties (and – inevitably – the more weight I put on – and the cycle continued…)
If I could go back in time and deliver some valid truths to my younger self (not that she’d listen, stubborn little shit)… here’s what I’d tell her:
- Your weight does not determine your worth. Repeat this every single day. The toxic society in which you live will try to tell you the opposite. They will try to make you believe your worth and your value – especially as a woman – is based primarily on what you LOOK like. Do NOT buy in to this bullshittery! Turn off the TV adverts, throw out all the glossy women’s magazines and turn a deaf ear to well-meaning relatives tut-tutting about the size of your bum. Your WEIGHT does NOT determine your worth. You are valuable – and worthy of love – exactly as you are.
- Don’t fear food. The thing you fear is the thing that owns you. Fear breeds obsession… and it’s all downhill from there. Life becomes really… small… when all you can think about is food, diets and the size of your body. There are far more important things in life. Trust me.
- Food is fuel. Eat when you’re hungry. Stop when you’re satisfied (not stuffed). Listen to your own body. YOU are the Master of your body… not some distant diet-expert (regardless of how famous they are or how many diet books they’ve sold). YOU know what your body needs and what it doesn’t need. Just listen to it! Don’t force-feed it when it’s not hungry… even if the force-feeding entails vile-diet-food. You don’t have to eat a half-a-grapefruit in the morning… just as you don’t have to glug down a pot of chocolate fudge.
- Stop shaming your body! Quit bullying yourself all the time and telling yourself repeatedly how pathetic, weak and useless you supposedly are. I need you to really understand this one life-changing, important truth: You can not SHAME yourself in to change. It doesn’t work like that. It has NEVER worked like that. All you are doing is worsening the situation. The more you shame yourself, the shittier you feel about yourself – and the more you visit the fridge for comfort. Try doing the opposite. Try learning to love and accept yourself unconditionally – exactly as you are (trust me on this!)…
- Life does not begin on the One-Magical-Day when you’re finally “thin”. Life is HERE… NOW!!! Life is to be lived… dreams are to be chased… right here – right now! Do not WASTE your one, beautiful, precious life…. waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting… to be “thin” before you’re able to finally LIVE! Live now! Enjoy everything that life has to offer NOW! Wear what you want! Go dancing! Go swimming! Stop HIDING! – and for pities sake… stop with the predictable New-Year’s-Guilt-Tripping-Shame-Inducing-Resolutions to “Lose Weight”. Your only resolution (which should be a daily commitment – not one that’s only called upon once a year)… is this: Embrace your beautiful unique’ness, chase your crazy-dreams and LIVE!!
Happy Hat New Year xxx
I have made New Year Signposts this year. (Resolutions set you up to fail).
They are vague yet at the same positive and spur me on to action. They include…
Enjoy my freedom
Ask questions
Make, reuse, recycle, grow
Keep cooking (a pointer to keep on cutting out processed food)
Find a way to earn a living
Book a hot air balloon ride (a bit more specific, but I really want to do this in 2016)
All the best for you and yours in 2016
Rachxx
Yes – I like the idea of signposts… and I certainly don’t dismiss the idea of having dreams or goals! (as you already know!)… I have some sign-post/goals for this year too! But — I am soooooooo OVER the old guilt-tripping & self-bullying…!! Let me know when you go on that hot air balloon ride! And also – wishing you an AWESOME 2016 too!! X
Thank you for that post. So good to always hear those true words.
Thanks, Kerrie… I think we ALL need to remind ourselves of those true words. Not only with regards to the “weight” thing… but also just regarding our MUCH’ness in general.
🙂 X
Happy New Year, Hat!
I agree. It’s not only women who have constant pressure to lose weight, look good, get fit etc etc. At 52 I’ve decided that I will be sensible about what I eat and when I eat it, but I’m not going to be ridiculous about it.
I’m not 25 any more and if I have a few saggy bits and some extra pounds here and there – so be it. I have friends (male) who obsess about their weight and how ‘good’ they look, at the expense of everything else. Sure some people can look ripped and muscled at 50+ but what the hell for?
I’m not trying to pull younger women – I’ve been happily married for 22 years, I definitely am not planning to stroll down the beach at Plett in my speedo, or hang around at night clubs sucking my tummy in to compete with all the ‘body beautiful’ brigade out there. I’m also not going to buy a small convertible sports car, skinny jeans or tight Lycra t-shirts.
Sure if you are 60kg overweight and it is affecting your health – for gods sake do something about it – but an extra 10 – 15 kg I’ll live with. Yes I know that my ‘ideal’ weight according to my BMI and height and the square root of the circumference of my head is supposed to be 80kg, but realistically I’d have to amputate a leg to get there.
Here’s to a healthy, happy and ‘who really gives a shit’, slightly overweight 2016.
Enjoy!
Warrick
Yes!!! Who-really-gives-a-shit?! I am soooooo DONE with the obsession with my weight. I used to be (very) overweight… extra 30 kg’s than what I now weigh. And – for years – I thought I could “shame” that weight off. I thought if I reminded myself daily how ugly / gross / disgusting / weak… (blah-blah…) I was – on a daily basis – that I would eventually “get the message” and stop bingeing.
The shaming – of course – had the OPPOSITE result and food, of course, was always waiting in the wings as my go-to (albeit very temporary) comfort… like alcohol to an alcoholic.
So – I guess – I now have this multi-level take on the matter;
Firstly (where I’m at now… kinda normal-sized, big-bum… whatevs) – I am LONG over all the external appearance-based obsession. That ship has sailed and disappeared over the distant horizon. I’m very comfortable in my own skin… I don’t give a damn about *impressing* other people with my external appearance (also happily married – 11 years)… and very content to focus on more important things in life (rather than worrying about whether my bum is properly concealed)… (((yawn)))…
Secondly, however – I guess I’m now a strong advocate for anti-shame movement. I can’t STAND how society treats fat people – as if they’re somehow ‘lesser’ or deserving of ridicule and scorn. I can’t STAND the fat-shaming. Not only is it vile and insensitive, shaming is NEVER an “incentive” (people like to tell themselves this – but it’s bullshit). Shaming, hating and bullying simply sends one BACK into the arms of one’s drug-of-choice – if only to numb ourselves from the pain that comes with shaming. It makes me seeeeethe with rage when our collective society tries to shame fat people in to “action”…
Okay – wait… lemme stop myself there. I’m going to launch off into a morning rant and I haven’t even had my first cup of coffee!!!
But – what I WANTED to say… in a nutshell, Warrick… is: YES – here’s to a healthy, happy, who-really-gives-a-shit, slightly overweight 2016!!!! Enjoy too! 🙂
A GOOD ONE HEATH!!!
Thanks, Meez….x