For most of my life… I have kinda been trained to believe that there was only 3 ways that one could survive or make a living in the world:
- You’re unemployed – and you rely on someone else to provide for you.
- You have “a job” – and you rely on your boss for a monthly salary.
- You start your own business.
That’s about as far as my… understanding… went.
There was no “option 4”. There was no “other way”.
And – within the framework of those three choices, there were additional, limited stereotypes that I believed to be true:
If you fell into the “unemployed” category – then, you were either a child, a student or a sick person with a disability. Or an old person living off a pension. Or – you fell into some grey area of nothingness… ranging from drunken, drug-addicted street-dweller.. to criminal who-just-wants-to-steal-instead-of-work… to lazy leech-person who doesn’t want to work… or maybe just “poverty-poor” person from a poverty-poor part of the world. Shame. Tut-tut.
(Don’t worry. I have since grown up, my understanding has expanded… and with it, my empathy).
And when I used to think of “jobs” or “people-who-work-for-a-boss” – this is how my brain filed it: a dull, hateful experience of full-time hoop-jumping, brown-nosing, box-ticking, mask-wearing, clock-watching and many dismal hours spent in rush-hour traffic. (And sure – this may be true to a large degree – but I now realise that there’s a whole other universe out there… including – but not limited to… people who work remotely, people who work for bosses whilst sipping cocktails on island beaches, people who love their jobs, are friends with their bosses and – well – let’s just say – ENDLESS other “ways” of being employed that do NOT to conform to the tiny limitations of what I initially believed)…
And – of course – then, there were the various limited stereotypes that I placed on this whole idea of what it meant to “start a business”.
And that’s what I want to chat about in this post.
Because the time has come for me to jettison ALL of those limiting, narrow-minded stereotypes – and to completely re-think and re-imagine ways that I can earn money – doing what I love – whilst remaining true to my HAT’ness… and by NOT trying to become something or someone that I’m NOT.

Dad (in the middle) and two of his brothers in front of the first business he ran with his father (before he moved inland and started up a business of his own)
I used to believe that you had to be a certain kind of person if you wanted to run your own business. This belief system of mine was birthed by witnessing the life of my father and grandfather. They behaved in a manner that I believed was – well – kinda the ONLY way to be (if you wanted to run your own business and be your own boss).
- They were stern and no-nonsense.
- They were good with money, production schedules and budgets (both of them owned factories where stuff was manufactured and sold).
- They were good with sales (or working out commission structures and managing various sales reps).
- They weren’t afraid of “managing” people. They didn’t baulk at the idea of giving orders or telling people what to do.
- They believed that business should be run as a hierarchy.
- They weren’t afraid of conflict… or firing people… and they didn’t hesitate to chastise employees who had done something wrong.
- They were very self-disciplined. They got up early in the morning, they stuck to a strict daily routine. They opened up their factories on time. They arrived at business meetings on time. Their offices and desks were meticulously neat and organised.
- They had great negotiation skills. They negotiated successfully (and confidently) with clients, suppliers, bank managers, whoever…
- And – of course – they were HARD workers (and very proud of this fact). They invested many, many, MANY long hours in to their respective businesses. They despised laziness and mooching. They didn’t suffer fools. Granddad had a sign on his desk which read: “A friend in need is a bloody nuisance!”
Dad and Granddad both believed that if you wanted to “get ahead in life”… you needed to “work bloody hard, make sacrifices” and not be “a lazy little shit”.
And so…
Then, along comes me. And if you know me – you’ll know that… well – I pretty-much-suck at all of the “good business person” attributes listed above.
And for years – I have been effectively bullshitting myself… by trying to convince myself that if I can just change-this…. or fix-that… about myself… and if I can JUST be more self-disciplined… or “more-organised”…. or “more-responsible”…
Then – maybe – just maybe… I, too, can finally run-a-business “successfully” (like Dad or Granddad)… (or – come to think of it, Great Granddad too!)
This particular mindset has set me on a not-too-pleasant (or productive)… (or fulfilling)… life-journey of numerous business start-up’s (and business F-up’s). I would venture to say that MOST of my so-called “business” decisions have NOT been good ones. Not because the business itself (or the product or service I was selling at the time) was bad…but – rather – because… for most of my adult life, I have been trying (very-very unsuccessfully) to FIT into that small, limited little box-of-a-stereotype that my brain has clung to so desperately for all these years!
This is what The Mindset says:
“If I want to earn decent money – I need to start my own business. And, to do that, I should learn to become more like Dad. Because Dad is disciplined, Dad is good-with-money, Dad budgets sensibly, Dad is organised, Dad isn’t afraid of conflict, Dad can manage people, Dad is responsible and works hard – Dad is a REAL businessman!”
But… see… I am not Dad… and I will never (and can never) be like Dad. Simply because Dad is Dad… and I am ME.
And only (very) recently has it has been SLOWLY dawning on me… that there are actually MANY, endless, limitless other ways to do-business and make-money WITHOUT needing to become “like-Dad”.
(For example, there’s a book called The Four Hour Work Week – and it’s a complete mind-screw for those of us accustomed to the usual understanding of what it means to earn an income):
So – this post is to let you guys know that I am taking baby-steps in the right direction… learning (slowly) to be completely HONEST with myself (and with those I work with) about:
- What I AM… and what I’m NOT able to do.
- The kind of work that energises me, excites me, interests me and gives me a sense of purpose (as opposed to the kinds of tasks that suck the life out of me and leave me feeling exhausted and resentful).
- The dreams and goals that are my actual dreams and goals… versus the “goals” that I kinda feel I “should” or “ought-to” pursue (out of some twisted sense of ‘duty’ or ‘responsibility’).
And once I have figured all that stuff out (making it crystal-clear both to myself and anyone else I work with)… the next step is to figure out ways to work around my limitations – or outsource them entirely – instead of attempting to convince myself to “fix” my perceived ‘weaknesses’ and try to FORCE myself to do stuff and perform tasks that drain me, irritate me and mess with my creative mojo.
A plan is underway. I haven’t figured it ALL out… but…
“Deliberate actions… (no matter how small)… are better than *drifting* with no dreams at all!” – (H)
No more “normal” business for me. I’ll keep you posted on how it all works out… X
All the best to you! I wish you success and joy in your work! 🙂
Thank-you, Katarzyna!!! 🙂
PARTNER! You need a PARTNER!…Someone who is business minded, who can do what you cant do!
Yes – and NO. Tracy has already been enormously helpful in that regard. She is certainly very good at all the stuff I suck at. It’s not that I’m re-thinking the idea of partnering up with people who have skills that I don’t (I am VERY pro collaborating and partnering with people who have different strengths). What I am re-thinking, however, is the whole “business” idea… the overall STRUCTURE of it – and how I can start completely thinking outside of the box when it comes to *structuring* this whole thing… so that I don’t have to even TOUCH the stuff I’m bad at. I think I started off with a really small and limited idea of how I thought this “Hat” business would look… I’m slowly refining that idea in to something new. Still need to chat a lot with Tracy, Nick and a whole bunch of people too.
Love this! I too feel that I have spent way too many years trying to be the person everyone expected me to be. So as the new year starts, here’s to us all embracing the real us and letting go of our old expectations and shining as our true creative selves! Looking forward to receiving your book this week!
Thanks a mil for the lovely note. YES – this new year is even MORE about letting go of old expectations – or even old ways of viewing the world / life / business opportunities… I want to be completely open to new ideas, new ways of being… new ways of working… the lot! 🙂 X
I am still trying to figure out what exactly I want to be and do. It is becoming obvious what I have been doing for 25 years is not going anywhere, but I have no big dream, nothing I am passionate about and that is what I am trying to figure out. I have hobbies I love, but they seriously will never make me any money. They will have to stay hobbies. So, for now, I will play with my beads and try to figure it out. I can relate to your post because I cannot fit into those high standards of strict self discipline and being no no nonsense, so, the search for me continues. I want to write, and draw, and bead,even if it is just for fun money and myself, but have not been able to get myself focused with everything going on in my life right now. Namely, our daughter, her severely injured in a car accident and recovering husband, three kids, dog and cat all moved in with us.
When do you actively pursue your goals, including figuring out what they are, and when do you just take a break and be ? That is kind of where I am at right now !!!
Thanks for sharing… and that’s a great question: figuring out when to actively pursue your goals (including figuring out what they are) – and when to just take a break and “be”…?
I don’t think there needs to be a huge gap between those two things. For me – a lot of my figuring-out-my-goals stuff happened during the time when I was just “BE’ing” myself.
For me, it was the process of art journaling… scribbling and scrawling a whole bunch of messy ideas on to paper… sticking in photos and pictures and quotes of things that resonated with me… and – slowly – the pieces began to fit together.
I think you’ve already made a great start – because there are some things you already know for sure about yourself – and about what you want. You said: “I want to write, draw and bead”. That’s a great start! Many people can’t even give a single response to the “What do you WANT?” question.
I think you already know what you want – but now is the time to define that question more clearly. What is it that you enjoy about the process of beading? Is it the process ITSELF that brings you joy? The “creation” part? Or – do you love seeing your beadwork in the hands of other people? You get a kick out of the idea of others wearing something you’ve created from scratch? Maybe – you enjoy teaching others how to bead? Or making your own beads?
The more intricately you question yourself… the more you slowly begin to figure it all out… and – of course – once you’re able to say: “Okay, I get it – I know what I want now – I know where I’m heading”… THEN – you can start asking yourself the next series of “how” questions.
By the way – (as you already know) – this whole thing is SUCH a journey.
Only in my 40’s did it finally click: “Hang on! I’m still HAT!”… and even then, it has taken me a while to (finally) remember that I love poetry, writing and illustrating my own stories… (amongst other things).
And now – of course – I’m deep-deep in the middle of moving to the next step… creating MONEY out of this passion of mine (and it’s been a bit of a stretch… this particular part of the journey – and MOSTLY because of the endless limitations I have placed upon my-SELF! It’s not other people that stop me… I keep stopping MYSELF!
Anyhoo… okay… sorry… rambling on (I tend to do this occasionally)…
Just wanted to say – you ARE heading in the right direction! “BE” while you BEAD.
Hah! That could actually be a cool tag-line.
“BE while you BEAD” – creative beading workshops for those needing time to figure out their much’ness whilst BEADING… 😉
Thanks again for chatting, Stephie…. ! X
And also remember to stop “Should-ing” all over yourself!
Great blog girl, looking forward to hearing your musings on our Skype chat soon xxx
EXACTLY, Lara… I think that’s one of my most familiar stumbling blocks: “I *should* do this”… “I *ought to* do that”… all these strange expectations and obligations in my head about The-Right-Way… The-Done-Thing. Such humbuggery… (but – at least I KNOW that now)… now it’s just a case of stopping myself from falling in to those same traps! Baby-steps… (baby-skips?)… x