Here are the things I suck at:
- Maths, accountancy, budgeting (or working with numbers or money in any shape or form).
- Cooking (yawn…)
- Any kind of administration (filing… taxes… paying bills… renewing driver’s license… renewing passport… going-to-the-dentist… calling-the-plumber…) – you get the picture. In fact – I loathe admin so deeply that I procrastinate most of it away – and just pretend that it’s not there (hence decades-long-un-renewed-license and the resultant fines).
- I suck at limiting the amount of food that gets placed in my mouth. Specifically anything smacking remotely of Nutella.
- Exercising regularly (treble-yawn…) and any kind of sport (quadruple yawn)…
- Remembering birthdays. Remembering people’s names.
- Managing people. Managing conflict.
- Small-talk.
- Lying.
- Keeping my home (and my head) neat, tidy & organised.
There’s loads more stuff, I’m sure.
But the point is… there’s stuff in my life that I’m just not good at!
Either I don’t have a natural ability to grasp those things (maths being a case in point)… or – I just don’t bloody-well LIKE the task at hand and find it excruciatingly dull and hateful. Or – (in the case of lying)… I’m just a terrible actress. I go red if I lie. The guilt is painted all over my face.
But – you know what?
I have made peace with my weaknesses. All of them.
No longer will I waste my life… time… money… energy… attempting to FIX my perceived weaknesses. I refuse to beat myself up, shame myself, tell myself off… because – in spite of all the trying… trying… trying... and striving… striving… striving… I STILL (at the age of 42)… suck at exactly the same things I sucked at when I was 12.
I mean – how many years does it take for one to grasp this basic lesson?
30 years of shaming and self-flaggeration? 30 years of never-measuring-up? 30 years of feeling as though I was a pathetic failure… and “so weak”… because I didn’t seem have “enough willpower”… to FIX myself for once and for all???
No more of that ridiculousness.
That ship has sailed… and disappeared over the distant horizon. Never to return.
These days – I focus on my strengths. I invest in my strengths. I invest my time, energy and money into developing and building upon my strengths.
And I have many strengths (as do you!!)
I’ve made peace with my weaknesses. And it’s been one of the best love-gifts I’ve given myself. I’ve found ways to work around the stuff I suck at and I’ve figured out ways to embrace all of who I am…
Instead of waiting... and waiting… for the Magical Day to arrive… when I was finally perfect enough… and fixed enough… and got-all-my-shit-together enough… and ENOUGH-enough… to finally… be deserving of acceptance and love.
It doesn’t work that way.
It never works that way. We absolutely have to stop shaming ourselves – and stop waiting for perfection and enough-ness… if we want to get on with the job of actually LIVING.
And so my message to you today?
Make peace with your weaknesses. It’s OKAY to suck at stuff. NOBODY is perfect. NOBODY is good at everything. That’s why diversity is such a wonderful thing! Because for every little thing that you suck at… it’s okay – because somebody else is good at that thing! Somebody else loves that thing!
There is room for us all… room for our weakness… and room for our beautiful strengths. When we’re honest about our weaknesses and strengths – we’re able to support one another… and hold each-other up. And that’s the beauty of it.
Invest in your strengths! Focus on THEM… and stop shaming yourself for your perceived failures (it’s a pointless waste of time and life – trust me!)
Hat x
Loved this! One bright side to focusing on your strengths is that you can look for an individual who is wonderful at the tasks you can’t do. I finally hired an accountant and a financial planner, which was enormously helpful. I also have a reliable handyman service I can call when things need fixing. My 3 brothers and my son solved their weakness problems by marrying women who complemented them beautifully, and all are still happily married to their first (and only) wives.
Zactly, Holly! What I love about the diversity of the people we share this world with – is that there’s ALWAYS somebody who is GOOD at the stuff we’re NOT good at. I also have an incredible person in my life (Tracy) – who has been helping me set up my online business and helping me with all the (admin!) of getting my book published. We compliment each-other really well… because although our core values are very similar (and we find the same kind of *deep* stuff important)… our talents and strengths are polar opposites. She genuinely enjoys money management, budgeting, admin, organising, etc… and even better – she values my strengths and accepts me exactly as I am. She doesn’t try to lecture me – or tell me that I ought-to-be-more-like-her… (I’ve had this before – a few times)… rather – she just lets me “be”… and takes over the tasks that are NOT my forte. 🙂
I, too, have spent my whole life beating up on myself for not being perfect at everything. I’m just not doing that anymore. Beating myself up doesn’t make me happier or better at anything. The opposite, in fact. I had this blinding realization a couple of years ago that if anybody in my life talked to me the way I talked to myself I would never speak to them again. Since I couldn’t escape from myself, the answer was to change my inner voice. It’s been a challenge!
It helps me most to find the road around the weakness instead of constantly trying to plow through the immovable object. I’m not going to like doing laundry, ever, but watching TV while I fold towels and socks helps to distract me from the fact that I still have fifty tiny T-shirts to go. And while the act of folding laundry doesn’t fulfill me, knowing that I have folded underwear tucked neatly in my dresser goes a long way to making it all worthwhile.
> I only enjoy cooking for others. If it’s just me, I’ll eat tuna straight out of the can and call it dinner! (Or Nutella straight out of the jar …)
> I am terrible at keeping accounts so I have found a really good and simple to use online bookkeeping program. I enter receipts the instant I spend any money on my business. If I don’t enter the receipt then, it will never get entered.
> I will only exercise if it’s involved in my job somehow, or fun (dance classes or hiking). I despise walking on treadmills or lifting weights. Belonging to a gym makes no difference and I do. not. jog.
> My house (and mind) is either extremely tidy or extremely cluttered. (Mostly, cluttered) There is no middle ground. I’ve found that my house reflects my mental state to a scary extent. Fortunately nobody else seems to have that figured out or else walking into my living room would be exposing everything!
Oh awesomeness!!! Thanks so much for sharing this! Yes – I too have found all kinds of ways and life-hacks to “manage” the stuff I suck at. I thought my post would be a mile-long if I had to go into detail about all of it. When I’m doing boring things (read: CLEANING!)… I listen to TED talks or things that keep my mind intrigued – in spite of the mundane task I’m busy with. My husband (thankfully) is much better with budgeting and money-stuff… so I just leave that lot to him. Regarding admin – I now have an “Andrew” in my life (I wrote a post about my search for an “Andrew” a while back)… (her name is actually Tracy)… and she not only excels at all the things I suck at (like admin, organising, etc) – but GENUINELY enjoys it too! Also – I totally *get* the all-or-nothing thing. On many-many levels – I can relate! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
I finally realized a while ago, that spending a lot of time on improving ‘weaknesses’, meant that my ‘strengths’ and talents were being neglected. Instead of getting really good at something I loved and was innately good at and potential at, I became overall mediocre – bringing to average my weaknesses, and being about average at the stuff I loved and probably could have polished to excellence. It feels very good to let go of that and focus on the strengths. Also, you don’t have to fight against your nature anymore so it’s much more relaxing. Of course I did waste most of my adult life doing this so if you can figure this out sooner, it’s a very good thing. Those people who just follow their strengths from the beginning and don’t worry about improving so much the rest, have it right I think.
So true, Cindy! And yes – I DO think that those who invest in their strengths from a young age… have such an incredible advantage. It took me many… MANY… years to finally figure out that obsessing over my perceived weaknesses was doing me far more harm than good!
This is SO true- so important to focus on one’s strengths rather than one’s weaknesses!
Yip! And… I think it can be truly life-changing when we do!