So – today, since I’m feeling all chipper and cheesecake’y… I thought I’d share some of my embarrassing moments.
People who read my blog for the first time, may be under the (mistaken) impression that I’m a very serious, intense person.
I’m not.
And I’m not very refined either.
We have a big red-carpet-hoo-ha coming up next week. It’s called the South African Film & Television Awards (aka: The SAFTAS)… and we’re going because Nick has been nominated for some “Best Editor” awards. Anyway – so the SAFTAS are like the South African version of the Oscars: lots of shiny, beautiful people… lots of peacocking… lots of bling… lots of press and camera-posing.
It’s fun though. We get to sit at big round tables with work colleagues and friends… and be served pretty food-morsels whilst watching very impressive dancers and singers and what-not. Last time we went, they rained gold glitter down from the stage and blew off fireworks and had Samuel L Jackson handing out the trophies.
The point is… at these kind of red-carpet events, I inevitably end up embarrassing myself in some way.
There was the time I accidentally dropped a cocktail meatball down my cleavage whilst attempting to mingle (I don’t know what was worse: losing the meatball – or the awkward process of trying to fish it out).
At that same event, I had decided it might be a good idea to wear heels… (I never wear heels. I wear slip-slops. I even wore slip-slops on my wedding day). But, for some daft reason, I decided that one ought to wear “proper shoes” at a red-carpet event. So… I wore brand new strappy heels. And I got from the parking lot – to the beginning of the red carpet… and I just couldn’t any more. So, I took them off… and went barefoot instead.
Also – at that event – I sweated… profusely… I think it was a combination of the chilli dip, the hot lights and the long-sleeved dress…. and I sweated my make-up off (think black, dripping eyeliner)… and sweated my neatly coiffed hairdo into a damp, limp birds nest… and to top it all off, tripped down the stairs whilst leaving the venue.
This – by the way – is the tip of the iceberg.
I could tell you stories… many, many stories of many, many undignified embarrassing moments – often involving one or more of the following:
- embarrassing myself in public
- some kind of unintentional nakedness
- laughing so much that I wee in my pants… (in a public place)
- uncontrollable giggling at inappropriate moments (ie: funerals! sad plays! stern sermons!)
- loud, unintentional farts (in public spaces) – (this has happened on 3 occasions… the worst of which earned me the nickname “Baked Beans” for many months following)
- awkward-moments-whilst-performing-on-stage (ie: I once accidentally hocked up a giant loogie in the middle of my solo…) – (it didn’t end well…)
- and… well… you get the picture.
Any-hoozers…
So – now that I’ve shared (a teeny taster) of my awkward and embarrassing moments… if you feel thus-inclined, I’d love to hear YOURS!
Have a lovely Friday! 🙂
I love your sense of humor and ability to laugh at yourself. I totally get it, I too have that ability because if I didn’t, I would spend a good portion of my life crying. I have the same affliction as you in the ‘make a fool of yourself in public’ department. I regularly fall up stairs, the most memorable in a busy airport and ripping my short skirt open right up the back seam. I regularly fall down stairs, once on Boxing Day, down a set of airplane stairs right outside the departure lounge window, where everyone waiting to get on the next flight was waiting…. and watching. That was embarrassing because I was the flight attendant, that was working that next flight and the whole thing got held up because I sprained my ankle (and had to get wheelchaired through said crowd who gave me a standing ovation). I stood up from a crouch in the front galley of an aircraft, on a full flight, caught the side of my skirt on a small piece of metal that was sticking out and literally almost tore my skirt right in half. Much to the amusement of the passengers. God only knows how I ever got the job in the first place but I feel like I am a one woman comedy entertainment package some days. I have learned to work with it now and have made it my ‘thing’.
Aaaak! Mortifying stories… you had me giggling in commiseration. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
I couldn’t stop laughing – your tales of cringe sound like mine!
But let me tell you how I embarrassed myself at home once. I was so ashamed directly afterwards – but now it is a fun story …
We live in a simplex, stacked in twos. So, people living upstairs have their garden at the bottom of the stairs, across the walkway. At that point, we had neighbors that kept 2 little dogs in their garden. And these dogs barked for everything that moved and everything that didn’t move. It was a constant noise. But, if you keep your bathroom and kitchen window closed, the noise was at least softer.
So this one specific day, I was taking a nap but awoke to the sound of the dogs yapping away – and it was loud, it was as if these dogs were sitting in our house.
And I got up and spotted that my hubby had opened the windows (that should have been closed). Honestly, my intentions was to go and close the windows to block the sound – but as my hand reached for the window, I just lost it.
I screamed out of the window “WHAF WHAF WHAF!” (like a dog barking) and yanked the kitchen window shut with a bang. Then I went to bathroom window and repeated the procedure – but this time (noticing that I got the dogs’ attention with my going on) growled loudly for extra measure!
It was then that I noticed the people living in the block across from us, were staring open mouthed at me. I felt so bad and embarrassed, I didn’t want to leave the house for the rest of the day!
But, luckily, someone got the message that their dogs were a problem – and we didn’t hear them yap for the rest of the day.
Bwa-ha!!!! You barked and growled back at the dogs! That’s awesomeness!!! And – like you say – the dog-owners got the point! Thanks for sharing, Anita. 🙂
Once I had to contact the sales manager for one of the companies I dealt with in my job—after drinking (rapidly) a couple of Diet Cokes. As he said, “Hello?” I opened my mouth and a belch reminiscent of a sonic boom propelled out of my mouth! I quickly hung up the phone and called again—he asked, “Did you just try to call/” Well, no way was I gonna tell the truth on that one!
Holly… I almost spat my coffee – reading your post… you painted such a vivid picture of your belch! I love it! I’m still giggling….. 🙂
Thanks for the laughs! I once broke the strap off a sandal while walking a new client (big corporate) through one of my buildings.
Aahhh…. the “Awkward-Corporate” moments… there could be a BOOK written on those alone!!! (tee-hee!)