So… something new happened on my blog recently.
A post of mine went a bit viral.
Not viral (in terms of the internet)… not truly viral… but certainly viral for ME and my lil’ ol’ blog.
I usually get around 100 visitors (to my blog) every day. That number triples or quadruples on days I post something new (by the way – I only checked my stats yesterday. Usually – I never check stats).
But 3 days ago… my in-box started pinging wildly with new folk signing up… new twitter followers… and, when I looked at the blog… I realised that 3 days ago, I had 28 000 visitors to my blog. Yesterday it was 36 000. This morning, it’s steadily climbing at 15 000.
The post in question – is pretty short (especially compared to some of my long, ranty posts). Mostly – it’s about a story from Ken Robinson’s book “The Element” – that deeply moved me.
And the reason why that story deeply moved me… is because I related – in so many ways – with the story of the child who just didn’t fit into school… into the System… into the box.
In so many ways – I identified with the all-too-common situation of being a unique, creative individual – up against a school-system that continually tried to box me, mould me and force me to be something I’m not.
A system that continually told me that I ought to fix my weaknesses (like maths, science, accountancy)… instead of truly invest in – and focus on – my strengths (like art, music, storytelling).
A system that told me that the highest qualities to aspire to was loyalty (usually to another system – like government or religion)… obedience, patriotism, following-the-rules, fitting-in, being “sensible”, “practical”, “responsible”, “respectable”, “acceptable”… and being a good, obedient, dutiful, un-questioning little citizen (and later, raising good, obedient citizen-children).
It’s not just the school-system that does this, by the way. The school system is where the moulding begins… but, in many way, our toxic westernised society simply endorses and strengthens these unspoken rules.
We’re told that life works a certain way.
That there’s a “right” way… and there’s a “wrong” way.
The “right” way works like so:
- Go to school for 13 years (or more). Obey the rules. Pass the tests. Impress the powers-that-be.
- After school – go to university (regardless of whether you even know who you are – or what you actually want to DO with your life). Get a degree.
- After university, get a job (doesn’t matter whether the job is fulfilling – or whether it makes you happy – or whether it plays to your unique strengths. Or whether the work is something relevant and important that makes a difference in the world. What matters is The Money. You get “a job”… for… “the money”)
- And – after all – you need the money… because now you’re already in debt (usually student-debt… for a start).
- Buy car.
- Buy stuff.
- Get married (with big, expensive wedding and short, expensive honeymoon)
- Have children.
- Buy big new house.
- Buy new stuff for new house.
- Maybe get a promotion at job (money used to buy bigger house, bigger car or more stuff).
- Send your own kids to school prepare them for the ‘zact same process.
- Save for “Retirement” (on the bet that you can buy yourself the freedom to live the life of your choosing – “later”)
- Get into more debt. Buy more stuff.
- Exist on a routine of working, eating, sleeping, TV-watching, shopping and bill-paying.
- Until – eventually – you’re old… and (maybe – if you’re one of the fortunate ones) you retire with enough money to chug around your nice retirement village in your golf-cart.
- Die.
But… y’know… what if this “Right Way”… doesn’t work for everyone? What if there are people who are different? Or who want something different out of life?
- What if there are people who don’t want to send their kids through the System of School (usually because they – themselves – were damaged by that same system)…(?)
- What if there are those who couldn’t give a steaming turd about things like “status” and the accumulation of more *stuff*?
- What if there are those who would rather live in the *NOW*… than spend their lives fretting and what-if’ing about the future? (The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying is a useful wake-up call in this regard).
- And those who would rather travel the world than ‘settle down’ in the suburbs?
- And those who don’t give a damn about the-latest-fashions… and what’s on-trend… and what’s-hot-right-now… and the latest celebrity scandal… and what’s on Reality TV…?
- Or those who just – want something *more* than rush-hour-traffic, dull-routine, suburbia, shopping malls, soap operas, office cubicles, fitting-in, measuring-up and being “normal”…?
And… I think that for me… and certainly for most people – deep down inside of us… fighting to be heard amidst the din of societal expectations… is a very human desire for freedom – and the right to just BE who we are.
And I wonder why that’s the reason why my post has been receiving so much traffic. Perhaps we’re all just searching for ways to embrace the unique individuals that many of us lost sight of… after years and years of forced compliance.
My natural self… my real self is creative, adventurous, spontaneous, messy, wild, un-tamed, slightly potty-mouthed, risk-taking, idealistic, considerably stubborn – and brimming with questions.
Here’s a photo that pretty-much sums up the Real Me (taken on my 8th birthday):
But – for so many years – I conformed to the expectations placed upon me by school, church and society. For so many (miserable) years – I completely lost sight of who I was!
And life became about fitting-in, obeying-the-rules, being sensible – and “normal” – and doing what was expected of me (and it almost killed me… in more ways than one).
Here’s a photo taken during the I-Must-Fit-In-And-Be-Normal years:
I am SO done with that now.
And maybe you are too.
And maybe we can journey forward together… and find ourselves again.
Reblogged this on Faith, Family, and Feminism.
Beautiful post and congrats on the previous post!
Thank-you!! 🙂
I am one of those people who saw your Twitter post and joined. Interestingly, I, too had a bad experience in school, however, it led me to really appreciate and enjoy community college, then complete my undergraduate and now I am working on my graduate degree. I have a 5-year-old son with ADHD and I am looking for innovative ways to educate him; not necessarily un-school (though I want it to play a role – traveling + un-schooling part-time) but a mix of engaging, inquiry-based learning. If you get a chance, look up Paulo Freire’s “Pedagogy of the Oppressed”. It’s a different way of thinking. Also, look up http://www.ibo.org Again, it’s the problem-posing system of education. It’s different then how you and I grew up. In the United States, the Common Core program is an inquiry-based model of education. It’s certainly something to look in to!
Sincerely,
Katie Reginato Cascamo Student, Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership, Gonzaga University. Organizational Development Consultant, Hand to Hold. kcascamo@zagmail.gonzaga.edu iPhone: 805-234-4212
Sent from my iPhone
>
Thanks for the links and the resources – and for sharing your story. I also like the idea of mixed, innovate education experiences (I’ve never been nuts about labelling… I think every family and every child will experience a different education-dynamic). Those words “Pedagogy of the Oppressed” have sparked curious questions in my brain – so I’m going to go and check it out… Thanks again for connecting! 🙂
Wow. Your writing style speaks volumes to me! Thank you for that. I am 46 and have been a rule follower all of my life. It has worked well for me and I am OK. However, I joined this blog because I am a homeschooling mother of 4. My 22 year old daughter is a dancer. She has struggled in school all of her life. She memorized 12 dances per year and performed them twice in one day. She was alive on stage. She began a relationship with a wonderful young man who has an engineer’s mind who has no idea why anyone would love dance. She was also pushed by me to get a degree and a good paying job because we are taught that that’s what needs to be done. Artists starve. She gave up dance and teaching it at least 4 years ago and it still breaks my heart. School, work, and boyfriend not seeing her love for it pulled her away. She got an Associate’s Degree in transfer studies, which she has no intention of transferring because she hates school. She got a Medical Coding certificate as well. She has taken the test to get a job 3 times and has not been able to pass, despite getting all A’s and B’s in school. My dancer is not wired to be a medical coder. She is just doing it so that she can have a good job and work from home. I’m sad.
I am also guiding my 18 year old son in the same direction, until now. You and Ken Robinson have opened my eyes. I am now praying to see where to go from here. I have a 10 year old daughter and a 5 year old son, who is my first high energy child. They will be raised with an entirely different perspective, thanks to yesterday’s story about the ballet dancer and Ken Robinson’s TED video and this email. Best wishes in all that you do. Have a great day.
Michele From: Living Differently To: morrisfamily68@verizon.net Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2015 6:40 AM Subject: [New post] We ALL want the freedom to be ourselves #yiv0583433339 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv0583433339 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv0583433339 a.yiv0583433339primaryactionlink:link, #yiv0583433339 a.yiv0583433339primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv0583433339 a.yiv0583433339primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv0583433339 a.yiv0583433339primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv0583433339 WordPress.com | Heather Costaras posted: “So… something new happened on my blog recently.A post of mine went a bit viral.Not viral (in terms of the internet)… not *truly* viral… but certainly viral for ME and my lil’ ol’ blog.I usually get around 100 visitors (to my blog) every ” | |
Thanks for writing… and first off – let me say, thanks for sharing that you’re a rule-follower. I hope I’m not coming off as somebody who has disdain for rule-followers. On the contrary – the world NEEDS rule-followers… and I’m a HUGE fan of diversity (my business partner is very-much a rule-follower – and I adore her – and that her strengths are so different to mine). And – I think that’s the key and what we’re ALL learning here… we ALL have different strengths, different talents, different passions, different abilities… (and we all have different weaknesses and things we suck at). That’s why I kick so violently against this crazy idea of a one-size-fits-all education system – because we are all SO unique. I am saddened by the story of your dancer daughter. I truly hope she learns to embrace her beautiful uniqueness and just BE who she is designed to be… but I am happy to hear that your two youngest get the opportunity to be exposed to a new way. Thanks for responding – and for sharing your story! 🙂
Heather, I noticed all that wonderful sharing going on yesterday–hurrah! I think your message struck a deep chord with many people because we have all struggled at one point or another to be seen and heard for who we really are. And of course to be accepted and loved just as we are. Sadly, the réaction to your own story is probably a testament to how many of us did conform as children and are fighting to break free as adults. Thanks for this post and keep creating as you were meant to do!
Thanks, Ellen! The sudden traffic that the post has been generating caught me completely off guard… BUT – also confirms a couple of things for me (exactly what you said)… Ken’s story hits a nerve. For many of us… a sore nerve. The first 3 times I read that story, I got very teary. But – another part of me is grateful that I’ve journeyed this far and I now *get* it… I know who I am (and who I’m not)… and I am enjoying – and celebrating – just being *ME*… flaws, faults and all…. X
I was guided to your blog yesterday because a Facebook Page about parenting (I think) shared that post you write about here. Yes, the way the current education system works, does not work for my son. But for many reasons, pulling him out of our small, local, public elementary school is not the answer for us. I see that there are many roads that could be taken, and that with the road we are choosing, my son, his teacher, and I are all learning important lessons. And because of my awareness, my son will always know that he is a very special person, no matter what messages he ingests elsewhere.
It is fascinating to hear about how other people are making their way through this world of ours. The biggest lesson that has been put smack into my face most recently (and this is specifically to me, but might resonate with others), is to be mindful of where I put the bulk of my energy and attention. For me, to not rail AGAINST “the man” or “the system” or some generalized thing in society that is popular to fight. But rather to focus on what I want to create or bring forth in my life.
I hear you! I don’t think there’s any *ONE* right way of parenting… and I don’t think there’s any *ONE* right way of educating. I think there are MANY diverse ways to raise and educate children (just as there are many diverse children!)… 🙂
Oh – and totally agree on how fascinating it is to hear all the very diverse stories! I’m fascinated by both the stories themselves… and also by the wonderful diversity of the world we live in….
Oh – yes – and finally… I agree with you about being mindful of where we put the bulk of our energy and attention. I read a great quote: “Be an encourager – the world has enough critics as it is”. For me, I try to remind myself of that – for a start. I want to focus on building The New (both in my own, personal life… but also to play a role in the bigger picture of contributing towards positive change, solutions-instead-of-problems… New Ideas… new initiatives… instead of constant whingeing…and complaining and fighting AGAINST stuff….). It doesn’t always come naturally – I must admit (especially when something really hacks me off and I find myself wanting to rant and fight and rant some more)…. but *hopefully*… my input into this world (and this life) will have more of a theme of positive upliftment and change-building… rather than endless, negativity & whingeing.