The stuff that counts…
This morning, I read the most devastating news about a family (in our Travelling Families group) who lost their little boy in the most heart-wrenching way. I can’t even bring myself to write about what happened.
My heart is so sore – and I haven’t even met this family personally.
Ever since reading the news… I have found it difficult to work… difficult to focus… difficult to get anything done.
All I can think about is my little boy… who plays at my feet, proudly displays his lego creations and treats me to kisses and hugs – and I cannot imagine how I would stay sane and survive if…
(I can’t even articulate the IF…)
It’s too horrible for words.
My heart is so sore today. I wish I could somehow… fix… this awfulness. I wish I could massage healing balm into the hearts of those parents. Not possible, of course, but still…
Once again… it’s a reminder that life is a precious gift – and it is short! (and in the case of this little boy, way-way too short… tragically, unfairly short!).
Walking through our house again… with it’s stacked up boxes of crap (that we still need to sell)… and the 2 unfinished bathrooms (that we still need to tile)… and the endless tasks we still need to accomplish (before we can finally set out on our family adventure in August)… I am reminded of how long we have “settled” and put-up-with, and accepted the mundane routine of our lives. I think of how many years we have drifted along – and allowed life to just have it’s way with us – as though we deliberately chose a life-raft… instead of a yacht or a row-boat… or a ship with a kick-ass rudder!
Life-rafts just… you know… drift.
You “survive” in life-rafts.
You “make-do”.
You “get by”.
I have been drifting and “making-do” for most of my life…
I spent 23 years in a small town that I hated. Today, I ask myself: WHY??
I spent double that amount of time people-pleasing… living up to other people’s expectations… obediently following-the-rules, ticking-the-boxes and doing all the things I was taught that I was “supposed to” do. Today, I ask myself: WHY??
I spent 9 years in a sad and miserable relationship that eventually ended in divorce and heart-break. Today, I ask myself: WHY??
Today, it’s hard for me not to see my life and my choices as… insulting… to those who never had them.
I have had so much available to me: health, choices, talents, skills, resources, freedom …
How much of these have I wasted on a very mundane, less than exceptional existence…? Dutifully plodding along with my extra cache of years… wasting those years on crap like shitty jobs… and hours in front of a television set watching Reality-fucking-TV!…. precious years that so many good people never had… and, in the case of this little boy, never will.
In memory of that precious little boy… I want to tattoo his name on my heart – and never EVER forget – or take for granted – this one, short, precious life.
LOVE your posts always valuable honesty! my heart goes out to that little boy… but know that his tragic short life as not been in vain. His short life will send a wave of emotion through blogs such as yours, that we need to get off the ‘Drift’ wood syle LIFE and face the jungle of our fears and LIVE up our soul purpose driven lives!! xx
Thanks, Sally… X
Me too. Heartbroken. So, so sad. There are no words. I’m overcome, for them… for all of us. The gravest sin is to throw away time.
Absolutely, Jenn… “the gravest sin is to throw away time”. No more throwing away time – I’m done with that now. Done.
How very very sad Babes. Its always tradgic when a child dies…..seems so unfair when they hardlly had a chance to live. My heart goes out to his family.
The biggest loss a parent can experience is the loss of a child, my heart goes out to his parents. Hopefully time will heal their hearts and they will be able to live again.