There are two Heathers.
The one is the “nice” Heather. She’s trying to put her best foot forward… she wants people to like her… and to relate with her… and be friends with her. She’s sweet and polite… (especially around her Christian friends and anyone else she’s trying extra-hard not to piss off).
She’s a people-pleasing Heather. She writes every blog and every thought whilst thinking “Will people like this?” or “Do people want this?” or “Is this relevant to others?”… in a nutshell – she edits herself… regularly.
She doesn’t allow herself to be TOO unorthodox… TOO crazy-irreverent… TOO much of a rule-breaker (which is who she actually IS).
Today, “that” Heather is coming out of the closet.
I’m coming out of the People-Pleasing closet. I’m coming out the Trying-to-Fit-In closet… the Trying-to-be-Liked closet.
And – if you’ll forgive me… from now on – I’m going to stop worrying about… and thinking about… (and worrying some more)… about YOU aka: the potential reader on the other side of this screen… and I’m going to be 100% – unapologetic – authentically “me”.
Why? Because it’s healing. And liberating. And I’m tired of pretending.
(And I strongly recommend the same process to you! Be you! Be you! Be YOU!)
You may be wondering: “Okay – so who IS this “real” Heather?”
Well – for a start… I’m not “nice”… and I’m definitely not very lady-like or refined…
- I have burping competitions with my husband (he usually wins).
- I chase my kids around and threaten to bite their bums, and they scream: “I’ll fart! I’ll fart!” – and then I say: “I don’t care! I love farts! I’ll eat those farts right up!”… and then they scream and run and lots of chasing and mayhem abounds.
- I’m not very refined. I clumsily drop cocktail meatballs down my cleavage at uppity red-carpet events… and then, I dig furiously down said cleavage to retrieve said cocktail meatball.. and eat it. Yum.
- I visit the late-night Quick Shop in my PJ’s and buy big jars of Nutella (loved by my family – and especially my daughter!).
- I like getting dirty… like, filthy dirty! I especially love a combination of mud and warm rain… and I dream of hiking through the Amazon and being sucked by leeches – just so I can “experience” being sucked by leeches.
- I’m almost always without shoes. If I wear shoes, it’s slip-slops. Even on the red carpet at Nick’s movie events… I have been known to remove the high-heels and trot around around bare footed.
- I’m very opinionated and stubborn – but many people don’t realise this about me… because I simultaneously hate conflict. I’ll be boiling mad and cursing up a storm inside my head – and most people are completely oblivious (except my husband who can read me like the proverbial book).
- I’m 100% artist / creative creature / musician. I draw… I doodle… I paint… I compose… I enjoying creating music out of anything (the other day, Morgan and I composed harmonies out of wine-glasses and upside-down chutney bottles)… or we sing songs to the rhythm of the car indicator! 🙂
- I am very very curious about the stuff that some people find “gory”. I love watching live operations… I absolutely adored the Body Worlds exhibit… and when I went in to have a C-section… I desperately wanted them to put a mirror on the surgery ceiling so that I could properly see what was happening!
- When I was a kid, I used to dissect dead chickens and stick pins in their eyes – just to see how a chicken eye responded to a pin… I have always had a deep sense of… I dunno… perpetual curiousness!
- As a kid, I used to fish dead, bloated rats out of the septic tank (with a pool net)… then I’d line them up on a drive-way and “pop” them with bricks. If I came across a couple of dead, bloated rats today… I might just try the popping experiment again.
- I’m a rule-breaker at heart. This is a long topic. There is lots to write about it. But, in a nutshell: “Stupid Rules don’t apply!”.
- My husband and I occasionally visit graveyards… and we take our kids to visit too. I think a graveyard is a wonderful place to reflect on how short and precious life is – and how important it is to truly…. LIVE! (and not to waste our lives away being miserable and unfulfilled).
- I couldn’t give a continental crap about things like “status” or “keeping up with the Joneses” or being “in-fashion” or “on-trend”. I care far more about things like living deliberately and purposefully… being fulfilled… and happy… and being the change we wish to see in the world.
- I deliberately smashed my bathrooms scale into tiny pieces – because the days of allowing a weighing-instrument to determine my worth are over!
- It’s important to me to have a VOICE. I lived much of my life as a wall-flower… hiding in the shadows… being afraid to shine. I’m not that person any more.
- I used to be religious. But I’m not anymore. I don’t have anything against religious people (or anyone who holds differing beliefs)… if anything, I celebrate our uniqueness and our diversity. One of the biggest reasons I have STRONGLY edited myself has been because I have worried about what my Christian friends will say or think about me. I have now reached the stage that I’m just tired… exhausted really… of wearing a mask and pretending to be someone I’m not.
- I refuse to ridicule other people’s belief systems. I think it’s rude and condescending to laugh at or mock something that is sacred and precious to someone else. I respect the right of anyone and everyone to believe whatever they choose to believe. The only way your belief system will offend me is if you deliberately use it to hurt or marginalize others.
- I’ve long toyed with the idea of getting a tattoo… but honestly? I change my mind way too often! I have a strong suspicion that I’ll love my tattoo on the day it’s done… and a week later, I’ll be trying to sandpaper it off!
- I’m not much of a… uh… dancer… but love doing a kitchen-jig – and especially if I’m listening to “Staying Alive” by the Bee-Gees. That is a Heather-HAS-to-dance song!
- Food remains my kryptonite… but I no longer hate myself because of it.
- I’m far more confident in my talents and gifts – and no longer shy away from saying what I’m GOOD at… (and not afraid to share my vulnerabilities either).
- I live a pretty unconventional kind of life. My husband and I are striving to be full-time Digital Nomads by August this year… (which means, in a nutshell, that we travel the world with our kids… earning an income with our laptops and cameras and art-materials on the road. We’ve both been self-employed for most of our lives, so this really isn’t such a huge shift for us).
- I consider myself a World Citizen.
- I’m a bit of a potty-mouth (I blame my husband for this). I don’t swear in front of my children – or in front of anyone whom I know finds it distasteful… but Nick and I enjoy a few private swear-a-thons with like-minded potty-mouthed friends. It’s probably just our previously conservative pendulum swinging hard-left for a while… (we find it liberating).
- I homeschool / unschool my kids. I was one of the people who used to vow that I would “never” homeschool my kids. Ha! Ha! Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons you never wanted to learn.
- I’ve done some epic, crazy stuff… and I’ve taken some huge risks in order to live life the best kind of life… a beautiful life… because of this, I really believe that I have something valid and relevant to share with the world. I have walked this talk.
- I love life. And I’m a happy, positive person…. and I am very drawn to other happy, positive people (especially the crazy, out-of-the-box ones).
- I believe in LOVE. Strongly… deeply… believe in love. And I am very accepting of people who live differently to me. I love and respect diversity – I celebrate it. How boring the world would be if we were all the same. No matter your religious beliefs, your age, your race, your sexual orientation, your culture, your size, your colour… you are so welcome in my life… my home… to eat at our table.
Here are some photos that kinda give you a glimpse into the “real” Heather… enjoy! 🙂
- Any kind of fun to be had that involves vast expanses of water? Count me in!
- This photo is very ME-ish. We were out camping (somewhere)… me in my PJs’… writing music… showing Nick my chords as he throws in a few ideas of his own…
- And… I take huge, childish delight in the “little things”… like this cow milk jug (on our Austrian honeymoon)…
- More childish delight… this time, it’s about icicles! (I was trying to stab Nick when he took this pic).
- Strawberries… nutella… warm hotel room in the Austrian alps… snow falling outside… warm husband – blissful-bliss!
- My first (and last) time in a Catholic confessional booth. Then again… probably wise not to say “never”…
- Pregnant with Morgan… floating in the river… in some wildlife reserve in the middle of nowhere…
- Brand new Mother-Me… with baby Morgan – who had just SHOT a HUGE mustard poo out of her tiny bum – and it was everywhere. I was giggling hysterically – and Nick was laughing so much he could barely snap this photo! hee-hee!!
- I love trying NEW, exciting things! I would definitely leap at the chance to go parasailing again…
- Yip… I would call this a very Heather-ish pic! 🙂
- This was in Nigeria… I loved their “taxi service”… so refreshing (especially with the intense heat!).
- I like this picture… Mom-duties! On a beach! (Morgan is now 7 – and thankfully the dirty-nappy-days are over!) woo-hoo!
- This is a photo of me at my tramp birthday party… 100% tomboy (not much has changed).
- One of my favourite things to do as a kid: Rotten apricot fights!! (I’m the one in the middle)…
- This was my way of being a rebellious teenager! Instead of getting drunk or smoking cigarettes – we would sneak around at night, stealing the numbers from the walls outside people’s homes (see there’s a doctor’s plaque in there too!). Don’t worry – I wouldn’t do this again… I’ve learned (hopefully) to be more considerate of others!
- This was SCARY… but fun-fun-FUN! (like I say: I love trying new things!)…
- Fun with my kidlets! THIS makes me soooo happy…!
Obviously – I have thousands of photos… and this blog will be very long if I carry on adding Heather-pics…
So – I’ll end off for now… BUT…
I am all about connection… so I’d love to hear your comments. I would love to know if YOU have struggled to be authentic… and to really own your YOU-ness…?
Enjoy your day & chat soon-soon! X
Wow, sounds like we would be friends! I love this, as someone who has been looking at what is me, what is the me that works for me and what is the me that has been working for others, this was a really nice timing to read. It can be so scary to be out there warts and all, really lovely written exposé on yourself!!!
We are always going to be someone’s people to some ( as I said you sound like my kind of people, farts are funny and poise is really hard to fake when you are used to spending time in pjs and barefoot and eating out of a jar!!! I so get it) and a worst nightmare to others.
If I have been realising anything recently it is that what this world really needs is more people being there true selves! We are hugely creative, caring, compassionate people yet pretending by default tends to hide these very things under self doubt, looking good and following the norms.
Really pleased you found you and put her out there! I know it wasn’t your intention but The real Heather put a big smile on someone you never met on the other side if the worlds face!!!
Thank you!
Your comment also put a big smile on MY face – thank-you!!! And yes – I absolutely agree: the world needs more people who are just… REAL… and authentic… and true to their unique design. For a start – everyone would be MUCH happier! 🙂
Oooh now you’ve done it!!!!!
It’s your fault, mother!
Thanks for sharing Heather, it’s great to see people being real! A friend sent this post today, which is somewhat unrelated, but I think it contains a shared theme of honesty and full-truth that the world needs more of: http://www.scottevans.ie/guest-post-peniel-ryan-adams/
Thank-you, Graeme! 🙂 I read your post… and even as I sit here, I can hear the Billy Joel song echoing in my head: “Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so un-true. Honesty is hardly ever heard – and mostly what I need from you”… potent stuff, methinks.
Loved your story and poem!!
Thanks!! 🙂